Hey gorgeous,

So, remember at the start of the year when I said "I'm a writer and I'm going to start writing more blog posts?" 

Well, my plan didn't quite go 'to plan' in terms of the consistency 😆 but hey, like you, I am very much human, experimenting and learning as I go, and in truth, I've been focussing on other things being a priority.

So here's your second blog post babes - 6 months later, wooooo!

Like many women, I’ve always loved myself some romance.

From watching Disney princess movies like Cinderella in my childhood to watching fantasy romances like Twilight back to back in my early 20s.

There’s something that plucks at the heartstrings of girls, teenagers, and young women when a man saves the damsel in distress.

When love is seen, over and over, as this fairytale filled with passion, desire, and intensity.

Where eyes meet and soul mates are connected for life - never to look at the opposite sex in the same way because true love has been found in that 1 person.

It’s all very beautiful and heartwarming, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with finding satisfaction and pleasure in watching these love stories (I still very much enjoy them and only recently re-watched the whole Twilight series, cause YUM!)

But this romanticism is one of the major causes of a society that’s been conditioned to believe in a fantasy, as an expectation of reality.

It's so normal for us (especially as children) to create beliefs when consuming any type of media.

When we’ve grown up witnessing relationship dynamics that are sometimes far from secure, and then on top of this, don’t learn the resources required to meet our own needs…

Of course, it causes us to project these fantasies and desires that we’ve picked up from films, onto those that we’re dating and getting into relationships with as we're growing up.

Years of unmet needs cause us to be in the energy of those 'princesses.'

Longing for love that feels thrilling.

Wanting to be seen as the most special person in someone else’s life.

And yearning for a soul mate that will protect us, hold us, and care for our every need so that we can no longer doubt ourselves, fear rejection or feel like we’re not good enough.

It's the little child within us that so deeply wants to be loved and accepted so that she can feel whole.

What this often does though…

Is cause us to resent our partners or those that we’re dating for not meeting our expectations - reiterating our feelings of not being good enough when we feel rejected because our needs still aren’t being met in the same way as they weren’t when we were young children.

Now, whilst I truly believe that every caregiver does the very best they can to meet a child’s needs, it’s almost impossible to have all our needs met growing up. No parent or caregiver can understand every child's need, let alone ensure that they're met.

Alongside this, so many children aren’t gifted with the luxury of having parents who model healthy, inter-dependent relationship dynamics where both parents are secure within themselves.

So how do we shift this toxic pattern that keeps us anchored in false expectations and co-dependency?

Well firstly, we need to become aware of what we’ve witnessed growing up and how this has impacted our beliefs.

Awareness is the first step to any change.

How did your caregivers model love in relating?

What unhealthy patterns did you witness growing up that perhaps affected the way you relate to yourself, and therefore your relationships with others?

What patterns do you notice repeating over and over in your current relationships?

Once we have awareness, we can start to uncover those beliefs that we have picked up over our lifetime, and start shifting them into more empowering ones that support us in creating more realistic expectations of what healthy relationships look like.

Which begins with learning how to relate with ourselves in a more empowering and secure way.

Learning what our values are rather than what we've learned we 'should' value so that we can live in accordance with what feels true for us and live lives that are more fulfilling, easeful, and harmonious.

Learning what are needs are rather than what we've learned we 'should' need so that we can meet those needs, and feel nourished and fulfilled within ourselves.

Learning how to meet ourselves with love, compassion, and acceptance - and not just the parts of us that we think deserve love because of what we've learned is lovable - but also (and most importantly) the parts of us that we've feared no one ever loving us for.

Learning how to heal our hearts from all the hurt, rejection, and abandonment that we've experienced, so that we're no longer closing off and protecting ourselves, and instead allowing ourselves to fully receive the love that we ALL so deeply long for.

Learning how to soothe ourselves and hold ourselves through the times that feel scary, unsafe, and unsettling so that our nervous systems are more regulated and we're not going into states of fight/flight, fawn, and freeze.

In essence, learning how to reparent ourselves in the way that we've always deeply craved.

So that we can let go of these toxic expectations and patterns.

Let go of attracting emotionally unavailable behaviors and people that reiterate our lack of self-worth.

And instead, live more empowering lives that are anchored in SECURE love.

Not the type that you see in romantic movies.

But the real-life human type!

Where regardless of what chaos is happening in your life...

Regardless of what rug is pulled from under your own feet...

Regardless of what type of rejection you experience...

You feel safe enough to ask for what you need.

You feel safe enough to express your boundaries.

You feel safe enough to open your heart and allow yourself to receive.

Because you trust yourself to be able to handle anything that comes your way.

And ultimately, because YOU have YOUR OWN back! ❤️